From: rick360jg@aol.com (Rick360JG) Newsgroups: alt.tv.x-files.creative Subject: X-Files X-mas Carols Date: 3 Dec 1994 14:10:04 -0500 These are a few of the X-Files related X-mas carols I wrote during a bout with insomnia. Send all comments and criticisms to RICK360JG@DELPHI.COM or RICK360JG@AOL.COM. Copyright 1994 W. Y. Chan. All characters copyrighted by whoever owns 'em, blah, blah, blah. To the tune of "Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer" Scully the Red Haired Agent Had a very Spooky friend And if you ever saw him, You'll know what we ment All of the other agents Used to shout and call him names They never let poor Mulder Gain any other fame Then after many false leads, Skinner came to say, "Mulder with your brain so bright," "Won't you come and solve this case tonight?" Mulder caught the perp quickly All the agents shouted with glee Special Agent Mulder, Just don't mention an E.B.E. To the tune of "Jingle Bells" Flying through the sky Been orbiting planet Earth The red head we spy Beam her off the turf Making Scully scream Can't remember maple leaves All Mulder can dream is of vampy Perrey Reeves Oh, E.B.Es, E.B.Es 'napping all the way Leaving crop circles here and implanting Scully's head, HEY! E.B.Es, E.B.Es 'napping all the way Cancer Man, what did you do? Mulder should have killed you To the tune of "Frosty the Snowman" Toomsy the Gut Man, Was a very biley soul. With a stretchy arm and a frozen charm, For his next liver meal where'll he go? Toomsy the Gut Man, Needed one liver to go. Slither by down here for a biley beer. So that Toomsy can grow really old. From: rick360jg@aol.com (Rick360JG) Newsgroups: alt.tv.x-files.creative Subject: X-Files X-mas Carols #2 Date: 5 Dec 1994 01:25:17 -0500 These are more X-Files X-mas Carols. To the tune of "Deck the Halls" Swim the sewers with the Flukie Fa la la la la la la la la Incubate its squiggly baby Fa la la la la la la la la Chow down now our juicy livers Fa la la la la la la la la Tis the reason to cook raw meat Fa la la la la la la la la Cut the corpse with Doctor Scully Fa la la la la la la la la Hear her explain bullet entry Fa la la la la la la la la Wield the scalpel with precision Fa la la la la la la la la Would you like to be the body Fa la la la la la la la la Check you back with Mister Spooky Fa la la la la la la la la Don't forget to wear clean undies Fa la la la la la la la la Hope they're not alien markers Fa la la la la la la la la Just 'squito bites, don't you worry Fa la la la la la la la la Drink digitalis with Eve Three Fa la la la la la la la la Half an ounce will kill a horsey Fa la la la la la la la la Don't turn your back on psycho Eve Fa la la la la la la la la Only sip from your own Pepsi Fa la la la la la la la la To the tune of "Silent Night" Silent night, vampire bite All blood's gone, all drained dry 'round Mulder's neck is Scully's gold cross Kristen Kilar's bonier than Moss Drinking heavenly bluh-ud Drinking heavenly blood Silent night, vampire bite Bread's full of unclotted blood Trapped in a L.A. jail is The Son Burnt to a crisp from the morning sun Slurping raspberry sa-auce Slurping raspberry sauce Silent night, vampire bite Mulder sex, clothes stay on Nicked his jaw with the Lady Gillette Should have known it's dull, shaving armpit Kristen die-ie-ied exploding Kristen died exploding From: rick360jg@aol.com (Rick360JG) Newsgroups: alt.tv.x-files.creative Subject: X-Files X-mas Carols #3 Date: 6 Dec 1994 02:40:06 -0500 As usual, send comments and criticisms to Rick360jg@delphi.com or Rick360jg@aol.com. Draw a letter C with a circle around it and1994 by W.Y.Chan. Characters ain't used by no stinkin' permission! I'm not really sure how "Hark, the ??? Angels Sing" goes(see what I mean?), so bear with me ;-) Hark, the fungal protuberence sprouts! Glory to the newborn spout Pieces of her go flying south As she gags from throat to mouth Scully spooked as she got cuffed Jesse O'Neil huffed and puffed Trepkos holds Mulder hostage Oh beware of the basidio-sausage Trepkos holds Mulder hostage Don't lose your X-File linkage Hark, the Federal Agent runs! Glory to his loaded gun He has the key to set her free Scully hefts Jess like a flea Boom goes Jesse's throat and neck Silica spores fly in specks Mulder wants her survival Scully's smarts is still reliable Mulder wants her survival To investigate yet another X-File To the tune of "We Wish You a Merry Christmas" He'll dish you the bloody carnage He'll dish you the bloody carnage He'll dish you the bloody carnage And a drippy new ear Good chow you'll make, how sweet and tender you are Good chow you'll make and a nice dessert too You'll wish you drank for cirrhosis You'll wish you drank for cirrhosis You'll wish you drank for cirrhosis And a big gallstone too The taste of bile, so much like green honey Works much better than Oil of Olay He'll nosh you to tiny nuggets He'll nosh you to tiny nuggets He'll nosh you to tiny nuggets And a steamy man-beer Nap time has come in Sixty-Six Exeter I will lunch soon in about thirty years This one's a shorty cuz I'm sleepy To the tune of "Silver bells" Darkness falls Darkness falls Soon it will be just right to go out swarming Hear them nag, "Bag the Mag!" 'cause they forgot to charge the ni-cad Hear us work, slurp and burp Thanks for not emulating beef jerk From: rick360jg@aol.com (Rick360JG) Newsgroups: alt.tv.x-files.creative Subject: X-Files X-mas Carols #4 Date: 10 Dec 1994 18:10:33 -0500 This is another mirepoix of X-Files flavored X-mas Carols, simmered ever-so-gently with a bouquet barney and a hint of truffle. All characters, copyrighted by 10-13, Chris Carter, etc. not used by permission. Send all comments and criticisms to rick360jg@delphi.com or rick360jg@aol.com. Circle with a C in it + 1994=W. Y. Chan. To the tune of "Oh Christmas Tree" Oh E.B.E, oh E.B.E Your sighting makes me quiver You make my stopwatch lose some time I will follow you and Ranheim Oh E.B.E, oh E.B.E You've zapped my Geiger counter Oh E.B.E, oh E.B.E Dropped in with the Lone Gun Men "Ooh, she is hot," said Frohike To a disbelieving Scully Oh E.B.E, oh E.B.E Don't talk til you've checked your pen Oh E.B.E, oh E.B.E Got some IDs from Langly Went to Northwest Facility Too late, you are dead already Oh E.B.E, oh E.B.E Stranger than fat-assed Barney To the tune of "Joy to the World" Joy to the World, Phoebe has come Let her revive the fling Let Mulder's heart prepare her room Scully finds it disturbing Scully finds it disturbing Scully finds it disturbing Joy to the World, Mulder is dumb Let him recant the past Their love life was a conundrum I swear this time it will last I swear this time it will last I swear this time it will last Joy to the World, Cecil is burnt Let him put out the light Rocket fuel we think we learnt Mulder's eyes are burning bright Mulder's eyes are burning bright Mulder's eyes are burning bright Joy to the world, you have been used Kissed Malcolm on stairwell How can you be so damn obtuse Bid you a final farewell Bid you a final farewell Next time we meet shall be in hell "The Wassail Song," as Sung by Ratboy Here I come a-bludgeoning The tram operator Here I come a-poisoning Duane the kidnapper *Grease and sweat in my hair* *Scully walked into their snare* *And Smoking Man said to keep an eye on Mulder* *I'm Darth Vader to his Emperor* I'm so jealous of his Fully filled Speedo My own boys, li'ler than a mosquito *Beady-eyed, that is me* *Did not have sex with Marty* *Do not confuse me with another guest starrer* *That poor sap was on Genderbender* There I go a-vanishing 'cause of cigarette butts Got to go a-lawyering With Lionel Hutz *Pretty soon, I'll be back* *When they quiet all this flak* *And considering Chris Carter's casting styles* *I predict season three of X-Files* Date: Sun, 11 Dec 1994 15:26:29 -0500 Subject: Re: "Carol of the Files" From: aep5@hearst.cac.psu.edu (amy peters) Reply-To: trump@leland.Stanford.EDU (Michael Jason Lewis) Forwarding yet another X-F Christmas carol from alt.tv.x-files. Enjoy! In article <3cbt9v$br9@nntp.Stanford.EDU> trump@leland.Stanford.EDU (Michael Jason Lewis) writes: To the tune of "Carol of the Bells" Con - spir - a - cy Con - spir - a - cy Hark how the feds mess with our heads spreading their lies "Crafts from the skies, Aliens here? No! Never fear -- "toxin's controlled," that's what we're told -- Dana's faked out, Fox has his doubts -- they separate, investigate: Scully the doctor finds facts that shock her Mulder tracks leads, now Dana believes -- G-men, soldiers, evil - Look they've solved it! OOPS! Evidence destroyed -- they can't resolve it! BOO! On they defend truth without end Government probe each episode.... --Laura (This is my first post to this group -- it's really my fiance's account, but I play around every now and then. I've really enjoyed what I've read so far!)