For those of us who communicate online on contentious subjects, debates often degenerate.

This is well known. Flame wars discredit those who lose their tempers, blah blah. But what bugs me today is another type of offensive participant: the father figure. You know the type. This is a well-respected and knowledgeable person who usually sits above the fray, lobbing only an occasional comment.

So far so good, but sometimes this can go to their heads, and allow themselves to start making meta-commentary. This is a kind of putdown that pretends to be just short of ad hominem. “This debate is degenerating due to the tone.” “Your technical points are being obscured by the degree to which others are annoyed by it.” “You cannot expect an answer until the discussion returns to a calm state.”

The trouble with all these observations, while to some extent true, is that they are condescending. Everyone knows that people should stay calm as much as possible. By chiding people like that in public, one treats the people accused like children and gives oneself and others an excuse to avoid addressing the underlying technical dispute.

Please cut down on the meta-commentary. Bad tone speaks for itself – you don’t have to be its spokesperson.