One of the purported ways of fixing one’s “carbon footprint” is by buying “emission/offset credits” as penance for one’s sins. Whether at the personal or national level, this is wonderful stuff. One can either cash in or laugh in.

Taranto’s column today (scroll to the bottom) outlines one way for the former.

With all of the concern about carbon “footprint” these days, I’ve decided to start my own carbon offset business to help the wealthy feel less guilty about their extravagance. Perhaps you would be kind enough to publicize my venture.

My business model is to don the hair shirt of self-denial in exchange for cash payment so that my clients can lead fuller, more enriching lives without worrying about carbon dioxide. And, just so there’s no question about the validity of the offset, I’m not building wind farms or giving away fluorescent light bulbs. No, I’m offering to forgo real pleasures so that others may enjoy them. […]

This is hardly less reasonable than buying “credits” from third-world nations so they can build stuff for their villages. After all, if one’s foreign aid results in an improvement of the lot of those people, toward the industrialization of their societies, what’ll really happen in the end? MORE GAS EMISSIONS! CERTAIN DOOM! It rather seems better in the planetary analysis to keep them down in the dirt, where their “carbon footprint” can remain the size of a tick on a flea’s ass. Oh dear, that reminds me of my proposed solution for the “homeless problem”.

For a last laugh, adopt maddox’ great line and proclaim

For every ton of carbon you don’t burn,
I’m going to burn three!

I’m such a bad man.