Juimiin realized the reason for my recent rash of culinary disasters.

As long as the dish corresponds to the general algorithm:

• slice ingredients,
• intermingle,

• apply heat if needed,

I can handle it. Thankfully this covers a wide range of foods, like cheesecake, stew, soup, casserole, and of course the tuna melt sandwich.

But if it’s more complicated, like it requires more than one stage of heating or intermingling, or some special technique of manipulation, I am a hazard. I go from one defeat fearlessly to the next, barely stopping to dispose of the casualties. I overdose pizza with cheese – I overdose everything with beef and paprika. I undercook stir fry noodles. I overcook vegetables. I ruin dish after dish. I search for my next target of food wastage, and effortlessly destroy it at the next opportunity. I am an inchworm on an infinite string of failures.

For god’s sake, don’t ask me to cook anything “complicated”.