Ladies who breastfeed their offspring in summer’s sizzling midsection may be doing a disservice.

On such a hot day, the last thing little offspring will want is a slimy yellow goo that comes pre-heated to 36.9 degrees celsius. The incipient heat stroke that is the lot of many a human can only be cold cured: cold air and cold drinks.

The first can be satisfied by a properly working air conditioner. Due to the perpetual need for maintenance, and the utter impossibility to find timely technical service during summertime, few air conditioners are actually working properly any given time. Even if the machine is working acceptably, perforation of the house’s air enclosure is unavoidable, if Fido wants his hourly pee. And perforation leads to performance perturbation.

The second can be a problem. Not all mammalian mothers are equipped with a supply management device such as a breast pump and a refrigerator. For some, it’s a matter of affordability (good ones cost $300+); for some it’s a case of the Yuks; and some just can’t be bothered. Even those thusly equipped may not have a steady enough supply schedule to accumulate sufficient nice cold moo juice.

The solution? Refrigerate the moo juice before it leaves the mother. How? Three words: ice pack brassiers. If moulded into fashionable shapes, it could make the mother look even more … motherly, if you know what I mean.

Oh, by the way, don’t you dare try to steal this idea, even though only a man could possibly come up with it. It’s mine, and I’m not telling anyone.