It’s been a few days since the first Bush/Kerry debate in the States. I didn’t see it, but did read the transcript. Neither guy seemed to be very strong or very weak, though I gather Kerry displayed better showmanship. The airwaves were abuzz with speculation and analysis the moment the show ended. Oooh aah, this guy scored points; that guy’d hair looked funny, this guy made faces, that guy pounded the table.

So what?! I know television debating has become a sport back in the 1960s, but why are the voting citizen units led to putting so much emphasis on those few hours? Sure, their attention spans are shorter Britney Spears’ marriages, so they need a quick little digestable tidbit to help make up their minds. But why in this form?

I suspect what they want to see is a real-life version of a courtroom drama, with opposing lawyers arguing their little suit-and-tie-dressed hearts out. Maybe the audience has an egotism explosion and imagines that they can play the role of a judge, who with intelligence and integrity makes decisions. But their own intelligence and integrity are rarely in play when citizen units contemplate whom to vote for. Or perhaps they imagine the lit studio as ancient Rome, witnessing a gladitorial match to the death, and in a hazy brain fart reinvent themselves powerful as an emperor deciding whether the wounded warrior lives or dies.

Half the time, it’s standard class warfare stuff. Another half the time, it’s a random choice made at the last moment. Another half the time, it’s simply an obedient parroting of someone in authority (parent, socialist teacher, environmentalist girlfriend, druggie rock star). And a final half of the time it’s a miracle that people get out of bed at all, are able to find the polling stations, and their brains don’t explode at the awesome complexity of modern ballots. Half of the people should just stay at home and shut up-no, wait, they do that already.

Maybe that bit of New Math helps explain what’s going on, and why I resolve to regard future debates as pure entertainment. I won’t promise to vote for who makes me laugh more though.

UPDATE: Something Awful has a good idea. See also an article by Burt Prelutsky on Mens’ News Daily.